VERY random rambling (quite odd)

Ok so im going to try and get random stuff from my head down onto this blog as a kind of diary type thing. But its going to be a bit jumbled as are my thoughts.

Ok so the other day I was meant to meet a friend on the Tuesday and I woke up in the morning walked to Battersea park where we were meeting and sat there waiting for a bit, until I looked at my phone and realized that it was in fact Monday, yup that’s right I was a day early.
So what did I do? Well I could have walked home again but I felt like that would be yet another waste of a day so instead stayed in the park and walked around then sat on a bench, It was a nice quiet spot and I thought I should do some thinking to bring the random crap that’s in my head out to think about as I thought it would help, not that I need help, like I know that I think of stuff and then all the crap gets shoved to the back of my head and I get on with life and that’s working fine for me, I guess it makes me a bit numb when it comes to actual emotions but that’s fine for now. But anyways I get the idea in my head that certain things need to be thought about and a kind of solution thought of for some things, and a sort of life plan put in place at least for the next 5 years, as other people have these and it seemed “healthy” at the time.
So there I am, in the park on the bench on my own like some kind of deranged pigeon lady whose pigeons had found something better to do, trying and failing to think of things I know are in my head.
So my brain is this metaphorical cupboard filled to the top with things that have been thrown in over the years to the point that its all jammed in and I cant get them out, so I decide that its fine where it is, I go buy an ice cream and go home.

I know sometimes everyone has strange thoughts but the other day my own thought annoyed me, Im sitting on the bus going somewhere, sitting by the window near the front and the seat next to me is free the bus stops, the doors open, and about 5 people get on and I silently think: please don’t sit next to me.
Anyways im watching these bus folk get onto my bus im dreading them sitting near me and this is fine, but then what happens? They all walk past me, a couple go upstairs and the rest go to the back. And this is my silent thoughts reaction: oh my god they walked straight past even though the seat next to me is free, what’s wrong with that seat, why don’t they want to sit next to me?? I cant win.

When we are children is that the real us? and then the act that we need to put on around other people becomes who we become, because it’s the personality that’s expected of us and if you move in with a partner who you’ve had to put a front on to impress in the first place you can never truly drop it can you? So we change as we get older but is it changing or are we just perfecting an act that we’ve been practicing for years because we are around more and more people, that’s why people go crazy when left on islands alone their real personality is an act of how they want to be portrayed to others and when alone for a long time then there is no need for a personality and this makes people unstable to the state of insanity.
I like the person I am around people more than the one I am alone, I think most people do so I guess its not a bad thing becoming that person.

Alright last thing I swear, the term straight is used casually to refer to heterosexuals but the opposite of straight is bent which if im not mistaken is quite offensive to use in referring to a homosexual as it implies something is not right and that some thing is broken in some way, but doesn’t using the term straight imply that if you are not straight then you are bent and so should also be slightly offensive? Im not trying to be all p.c I just wondered what peoples thoughts were.

Ok so that’s a slight insight into the insanity that is my mind, more another time maybe...maybe not ?